[In]Frequently Asked Questions

[Updated July, 2022, for no discernible reason]

What’s up with those little leaf thingies?

You mean this: ? That’s not a leaf, it’s a snail. See the little antennae, and the tail?

Snails don’t have tails.

So, who are you – Marlin Perkins? Of course they have tails!

No, they don’t. That’s the foot. Don’t you know anything about snail anatomy?

OK. OK, already! It’s a freakin’ leaf. There, are you satisfied?

Who are you, anyway?

I’m a website designer of modest abilities and ambition* corporate drone working for a smallish oil and gas company and living on the Staked Plains of West Texas retired and living in the beautiful Texas Hill Country, west of Austin. I’m a Christian affliated with an evangelical denomination. I believe in the Bible as the living Word of God, and that this life on earth is but an eyeblink of our conscious existence. I ride a recumbent tandem bicycle and my musical roots sprang simultaneously from high school band and Woodstock. I shoot photos with an iPhone, and targets with a Springfield XD .40 S&W (among other shooty devices). I have a beautiful wife with whom I love to dance and bicycle (see tandem reference above), and a yard that I hate to mow I pay someone else to mow. Life is good.

I’m a Mac user. My favorite number is pi, but only because it reminds me of dessert. My favorite color is red, but only because it reminds me of pie (cherry, or strawberry), which in turn reminds me of dessert. I like dessert.

Wow! That is so – um, what’s the word I’m looking for…oh, I know – boring. Is there anything at all about you that’s interesting?

I like puppies, the carefree laughter of a child, long walks in the park, and the smell of fresh laundry on a sunny spring Saturday morning. And the awesome focus of a rattler’s eyes just before he strikes an unsuspecting bunny. But, then, who doesn’t?

You claim that the Gazette has been in publication since November, 2002. And yet, there’s nothing in the archives prior to June, 2009**. Are you a liar, or just really bad at dates?

OK, now you’re just creeping me out. First, although it is true that I began the Gazette in November of 2002, I’ve never revealed that on these pages. So, who are you, really?

Oh, never mind. I don’t want to know. But to answer your impolite query, I got tired of blogging early in ’09 and thought about shutting down the Gazette. Instead, I took a couple of months off to rethink the site. I came up with a new, simpler design – like it? –  and resolved to not get so hung up on the volume of posts and readership. Part of that rethinking process led me to delete the prior 6+ years of articles from the public archives. I suppose that Google still has them cached somewhere, but as far as the blog is concerned, they don’t exist. It’s not like they’re the Dead Sea scrolls or anything.

The only thing I regret about that is that I once did a really cool article about folding fitted bed sheets, and I hate to deprive the world of my observations on the topic.***

*The website gig was a blast, but after ten years, it was time to try something different…again. So I returned to the industry that put bread on my table for the 25 years following college. The only downside, besides having to once again dress like a respectable adult, is that I had to use Windows. Satan’s not such a bad guy once you get to know him.

**As a part of our triennial audit review, it was discovered that some of those earlier posts have indeed been resurrected and added to the Archives. Sadly, the fitted sheet screed has not been located***, so you’re still on your own for folding the infernal contraptions.

***In a stupefying turn of events, the elvish creatures who work the graveyard shift here at the Gazette have somehow unearthed and hosed off the missing sheet screed. Unfortunately, as with many such highly anticipated archaeological discoveries, the reality falls depressingly short of the anticipation. In other words, it meets all the important criteria for inclusion in this blog.