{"id":3987,"date":"2006-08-18T22:08:59","date_gmt":"2006-08-19T03:08:59","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/ericsiegmund.com\/gazette\/2006\/08\/18\/soap-time-is-tissue\/"},"modified":"2022-03-13T20:29:48","modified_gmt":"2022-03-14T01:29:48","slug":"soap-time-is-tissue","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/ericsiegmund.com\/fireant\/2006\/08\/18\/soap-time-is-tissue\/","title":{"rendered":"SoaP: &#8220;Time is Tissue&#8221;"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>You can often judge the movie you&#8217;re about to see by the trailers selected to precede it. Tonight&#8217;s showing of <em><a title=\"IMDB.com\" href=\"http:\/\/imdb.com\/title\/tt0417148\/\">Snakes on a Plane<\/a><\/em> was preceded by the following:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><em>Beerfest<\/em><\/li>\n<li><em>Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning<\/em><\/li>\n<li><em><a title=\"IMDB.com\" href=\"http:\/\/imdb.com\/title\/tt0365830\/\">Tenacious D in &#8216;The Pick of Destiny&#8217;<\/a><\/em><\/li>\n<li><em><a title=\"IMDB.com\" href=\"http:\/\/imdb.com\/title\/tt0443453\/\">Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan<\/a><\/em><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>So, it&#8217;s not like we weren&#8217;t warned.<\/p>\n<p><em>SoaP<\/em> is so bad, it&#8217;s often quite good. All the performers deserve awards for delivering their lines with straight faces, but it really only works if you know that they know that you know that they know what&#8217;s going on. After all, this was a movie that was sent back to the editing room to add some gratuitous sex and violence in order to get an R rating and to keep the buzz in the blogosphere alive. The editing worked; judging by the twelve people in the theater tonight, the buzz didn&#8217;t, at least not in Midland.<\/p>\n<p>In the midst of the gore &#8212; who knew snakes could be so inappropriately assertive? &#8212; are some really funny moments&#8230;well, <em>seconds<\/em>, anyway. Saturday Night Live&#8217;s Kenan Thompson steals several scenes as a distinctly non-menancing bodyguard for a rapper, and Samuel L. Jackson has his usual quota of deadpan one-liners.<\/p>\n<p>The snakes are uniformly creepy, malevolent, ubiquitous, and persistent &#8212; sort of like Howard Dean, only with more grace. The animatronic and animated versions blended impressively with the real ones, but those who are weirded out by snakes of any persuasion should really stay away from this film.<\/p>\n<p>I think this brief exchange between <acronym title=\"My Lovely Bride\">MLB<\/acronym> (who, by the way, suggested that we see the movie this evening, just so you know) and me sums up SoaP. As we were walking to the car after the film, she said &#8220;I&#8217;m embarrassed to tell anyone we saw that.&#8221; I tried to reassure her. &#8220;Don&#8217;t worry; nobody we know will see it, so they won&#8217;t be able to make an assessment of what we did.&#8221; In any event, I can claim I was doing research for this review; I don&#8217;t know what excuse she&#8217;ll be able to concoct.<\/p>\n<p>To be truthful, once it&#8217;s cleaned up for network TV, it won&#8217;t be too bad as a campy horror\/disaster genre flick. But if <em>Beerfest<\/em> represents the pinnacle of movie achievement in your book, by all means, go see it on the big screen.<\/p>\n<p>Oh, and for the record, let it be understood that I&#8217;ve just coined the term &#8220;vipercam.&#8221; Well, second only to the folks who hold the patent on <a href=\"http:\/\/www.vipersoft.com\/products\/ViperCam\/Index.asp\">the dental intraoral device<\/a> of the same name. (What <em>were<\/em> they thinking?)<\/p>\n<p><span class=\"smaller\">Technorati tag: <a href=\"http:\/\/technorati.com\/tag\/snakes+on+a+plane\" rel=\"tag\"><em>Snakes on a Plane<\/em><\/a><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>&#8220;Snakes on a Plane&#8221; was supposedly assembled based on feedback from the blogosphere, thereby giving creedence to the bumper sticker warning us to beware of stupid people in large groups.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[26],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3987","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-movies","entry"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/ericsiegmund.com\/fireant\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3987","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/ericsiegmund.com\/fireant\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/ericsiegmund.com\/fireant\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ericsiegmund.com\/fireant\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ericsiegmund.com\/fireant\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3987"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/ericsiegmund.com\/fireant\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3987\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":8770,"href":"https:\/\/ericsiegmund.com\/fireant\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3987\/revisions\/8770"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/ericsiegmund.com\/fireant\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3987"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ericsiegmund.com\/fireant\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3987"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ericsiegmund.com\/fireant\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3987"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}