{"id":3989,"date":"2006-08-21T15:59:20","date_gmt":"2006-08-21T20:59:20","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/ericsiegmund.com\/gazette\/2006\/08\/21\/an-innocent-question-of-etiquette\/"},"modified":"2022-01-30T14:09:33","modified_gmt":"2022-01-30T20:09:33","slug":"an-innocent-question-of-etiquette","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/ericsiegmund.com\/fireant\/2006\/08\/21\/an-innocent-question-of-etiquette\/","title":{"rendered":"An Innocent Question of Etiquette"},"content":{"rendered":"

Dear Miss Manners,
\n<\/em><\/p>\n

I’ve never written to you before, but I have a strictly theoretical situation that cries out for your counsel. Please consider the following and advise me as to the proper course of action.
\n<\/em><\/p>\n

I have a close acquaintance who theoretically recently went to the theater — just for discussion purposes, let’s say it was last Friday evening — and watched a movie, the title not being important but let’s assume it had something to do with Reptiles on an Aircraft. (I realize that this scenario already raises many red flags in your mind, but please try to focus on the specific, albeit theoretical, issue I describe.)
\n<\/em><\/p>\n

Near the end of the hypothetical movie, my friend detected a peculiar sensation on his left calf. At first he ignored it — he says — thinking it was a psychosomatic reaction to the scenes on the movie screen. But it continued, and seemed to be moving up his leg, so he reached down to his pants leg and confirmed that, sure enough, something was abiding disquietly between his skin and the fabric of his jeans.
\n<\/em><\/p>\n

Despite this being a strictly hypothetical situation, my theoretical friend freaked, albeit only inwardly, so as not to disturb those around him, chief of whom was his wife. He grasped the animate object firmly between the folds of the fabric and squished<\/em> hard enough to form diamonds from pencil lead, and was met with the unnerving feel of juice soaking through his pants leg. On the other hand, I’m told that the movement along his leg ceased.
\n<\/em><\/p>\n

Now, here’s the crux of my question about this theoretical situation. <\/em><\/p>\n

Should my friend tell anyone — and, in particular, his wife — about this encounter in the dark movie theater, given that everyone who hears about it will forever after be thinking of the possibility when they go to the same theater (fortunately, I haven’t revealed the location of said theater, deeming it unnecessary since this is a strictly hypothetical situation, so the folks at the Hollywood Theaters in Midland, Texas, have no reason to be alarmed).
\n<\/em><\/p>\n

And, just as important, should my friend now, given the passage of, say, three days since the hypothetical incident described above, finally don a pair of heavy leather gloves, turn up the pants leg in question, and look to see just exactly what it was that he dispatched in that theater? Because, like, he’s really weirded out by that pair of jeans laying in the clothes hamper. Or so he’s led me to believe.
\nI would appreciate your prompt attention to this matter, so that my friend can continue with his theoretical life.
\n<\/em><\/p>\n

Your truly,
\n<\/em><\/p>\n

Name withheld by request<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

To tell or not to tell, that is the [hypothetical, of course] question.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[8],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3989","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-just-plain-silly","entry"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/ericsiegmund.com\/fireant\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3989","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/ericsiegmund.com\/fireant\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/ericsiegmund.com\/fireant\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ericsiegmund.com\/fireant\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ericsiegmund.com\/fireant\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3989"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/ericsiegmund.com\/fireant\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3989\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6735,"href":"https:\/\/ericsiegmund.com\/fireant\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3989\/revisions\/6735"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/ericsiegmund.com\/fireant\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3989"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ericsiegmund.com\/fireant\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3989"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ericsiegmund.com\/fireant\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3989"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}