I just read Sue Shellenberger’s “Work & Family” column in last week’s Wall Street Journal in which she addresses one of the primary sources of marital conflict in America: who does the housework? She describes a new study that purports to show that husbands are doing a larger share of the household chores than their wives give them credit for (but still not as much as the men think they’re doing).
From the WSJ article:
Shedding new light on the decades-old battle between men and women over housework, the study of 265 married couples with children, published this month in the Journal of Marriage and Family, shows that wives estimate, when asked, that their husbands do 33% of the housework. But when researchers tracked men’s actual housework time, they found husbands were shouldering 39% of the chore load.Husbands aren’t getting off the hook entirely, though. They still give themselves too much credit, the study shows, claiming they do 42% of the work around the house.
The trend of men assuming more of the chores around the house is not new.
It’s clear men are doing more work around the house. Women’s average housework time fell by nearly half between 1965 and 1995, to 17.5 hours a week from 30, while men’s almost doubled to 10 hours from 4.9 hours, based on a survey of four national studies published in 2000 by the University of Maryland’s Suzanne Bianchi and others.
I suspect that many wives still feel that their husbands aren’t pulling their weight (or pushing the vacuum cleaner) when it comes to helping out around the house, but the ladies have to shoulder some of the blame for that. Some of us guys just don’t have a clue as to how hard and time-consuming housework is.
It wasn’t until I began working at home that I realized that I fell into the “clueless and lazy” category. I was perceptive enough to see that I had more free time than my wife. She was also making roughly four times as much as me (I’ve managed to narrow that gap to a multiple of only three), and I figured that if she was going to carry the financial load, I should haul more of the other loads. Here’s how we’ve split things up:
| Mine: Vacuuming Laundry Dishwasher unloading Trash duty Make bed/change sheets Lawn Mowing & leaf blowing Grocery Shopping (90%) Bill Paying Errands (Dog groomer & Vet appointments, Cleaners, Restaurant takeout runs, etc.) Car maintenance |
Hers: Cooking & cleanup Bathroom Cleaning Mopping Grocery Shopping (10%) Checkbook Reconciliation Flower bed & potted plant care |
Now, I already know what you’re thinking. “Gee, she still gets all the yucky stuff.” I’ll concede that point, but only conceptually. Granted, she does do most of the wetwork, but you also have to factor in frequency if you want to compute actual workload. I’ll match vacuuming the whole house each week against mopping the 50% of our square footage that has tile every 3 weeks. And don’t let the cooking fool you, either; that happens on average about 3-4 times per week. I still assemble breakfast every morning (and do the cleanup) and put out the lunch components (and do the cleanup) each workday.
You’ll also notice the check and balance we have with respect to our financial records. I record everything; she corrects my mistakes.
So, at times I feel pretty good about doing my share around the house. But, then I realize that it’s still not enough; she works hard at her job, and I need to make her life as easy as possible. That’s what you do for someone you love.
But I draw the line at cleaning the bathrooms. That’s just gross.
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“and I need to make her life as easy as possible. That’s what you do for someone you love.”
That’s really very touching, Eric. I can see why your marriage is so solid.
And, actually, I would clean the bathrooms, if she asked me. Fortunately, she loves me too much to ask me. 😉
Having a wife who is a blogger/blog reader I really don’t want to go here. But I have to say that I do 100% of the extensive outside work and more than my fair share of the inside work.
…and more than my fair share of the inside work.
Uh, Wallace, I hate to break it to you, but you just went there.
Of course, she’s probably not going to be doing much blog reading in Europe, huh? 😉
The thing that always pops into my head when this question comes up is how I lived as a bachelor – and how my bachelor friends still live – they don’t do housework very often either.
Rita Rudner said that single men live “like bears with furniture,” and she’s right. Generally speaking, men tolerate much more dirt than women do. It’s not that they won’t do the work – it’s that they don’t think it’s needed as often.
So, of course women do more housework – they have a lower tolerance for dirt.
Agreeing on a level of dirt-intolerance (and dividing the burden of maintaing it) is one of the many adjustments a couple must make when they decide to get married. Men would do well to put in a little extra work, and women … they might want to remember their mate’s old apartment now and then.
It’s pretty cool that men and women are different, I think.
Here’s a related question: Of men and women, which group likes camping and fishing more? (I mean real camping & fishing – no hard walls, and a dip in the lake passes for a bath.) Different answer – same motivation, I think.
I’d like to continue the Rita Rudner schtick…
“Men don’t live well by themselves. They live more like bears with furniture. The other day I went over to my boyfriend’s cave. Nothing on the floors. Nothing on the walls, well, except for some food.”
Thank you Brian for bringing back fond memories of bachelor life.
You must excuse me now, I have to go clean the bathroom.
Not.
Men would do well to put in a little extra work, and women … they might want to remember their mate’s old apartment now and then.
Brian, that might be an excellent summary of marriage in general, and “apartment” could just be a blank space to accommodate just about anything.
Jim, your wife doesn’t read blogs, does she? 😉
She does, but not the comments. ;->
Eric – Do you have a brother I could marry?
Suzanne
Got a brother, but he’s already married. Sorry.
But, I’ve never seen him run a vacuum cleaner, so it probably wouldn’t have worked out anyway. 😉
Take it from this bachelor. House cleaning? Dusting?
I know this from personal experience:
You dust one millenium and it’s back the next.
Whaddaya gonna do?
Suzanne makes a note not to ever date Larry S………………. unless he’s rich and then we can just hire a maid.
🙂
Suzanne, you seem like a nice person. RUN THE OTHER WAY!
Since reverting to the feral state (once domesticated, no longer domesticable) I’ve also shed most of the material trappings (both debt and equity) of the 21st century, and find I have a whole lot more time to read the Bible, wherein I find haiku, and content-free blogs, which is why I hang out here.
I actually do 100% of my own housework, sans maid, but there is so little of it to do, it is actually fun; washing a few dishes once a week is a zen-like encounter with the present.
On my current job assignment, staying at a client-supplied bed and breakfast (without the breakfast) is a rare treat. There actually is a maid, but I still do my own laundry.
This leaves more time for bicycle riding. This evening I found Georgia Southwestern State University and pedaled around there for awhile, and actually smelled natural pine scent. Lovely.
Happy hunting. Let me know where your registry is when you find him, and I’ll chip in.
Pax
Larry, you need to be on your best behavior around Suzanne; she’s a sweetie.
Hi Eric,
I can affect a patina of “civilized,” but I cultivate the other image, too. Those personae are hobbies, amusements, diversions.
What I really am is a thankful child of God who needs little in this life except constant grace.
The fellowship of Christians is my family. Ms Suzanne, are we related?
Grace unto you, and peace,
From God our Father and
The Lord Jesus Christ.
2 Thessalonians 1:2
A complete verse Bible Haiku from the King James Version Bible.