Fire Ant Flickers (#18): 2026 Already?

Welp, here we are…3.288% into 2026 and I’m just now working up the energy to post something. It’s not from lack of ideas; I have plenty of them, although (as you’ll soon see), quality takes a back seat to quantity. OTOH, why should 2026 be any different than the previous *counts and recounts on all fingers and toes* 23 years? I’m too old to change.

Having said that, I’ve indeed made a couple of dramatic changes in my habits and environment for this new year. But first, since we’re now in the second week of the new year and we’ve all by now rescinded the foolish resolutions we made regarding diet and exercise, let me provide you with a Scriptural reference that will assuage any lingering feelings of guilt you might have ^[1].

Debbie found this entry in an old “verse of the day” calendar while going through some “historical” files.

Now, where were we?

Excel Elimination

In 1984, I started keeping fairly detailed records of my workouts. That’s *counts and recounts on all fingers and toes* 41 years ^[2] of Excel spreadsheets. Blame it on my recessive Accountants Gene; I’ve always been a spreadsheet kind of fellow. Anyway, I justified it — and I think appropriately so — as being helpful to maintaining discipline in that aspect of my life. Thing is…I never really did anything with the data, other than record it.

So, I’ve now gone twelve days without detailing my running, pickleballing, bicycling, “functional strength training” (as Apple characterizes it), and walking (indoor AND outdoor), and I can honestly say that I’m a nervous wreck. *serenity now* ^[3]. Fortunately, my watch/phone is keeping even more detailed records than I would have. I probably won’t do anything with that data, either.

For the record, according to that mass of spreadsheets, I’ve compiled the following total mileage for running and bicycling ^[4]:

• Running — 7,559 miles. That’s the approximate distance from my location in Horseshoe Bay, Texas, to El Fasher, Sudan, Africa. Given the unattractiveness of traveling to Sudan at this time, I could also go the opposite direction and wind up in Xi’an, China, a more pleasant destination, no disrespect to the good folk who are still alive in El Fasher and undoubtedly armed with 5.56x45mm assault rifles.
• Cycling — 56,229 miles. That’s the equivalent of circling the Earth approximately 2.26 times at its widest point (and also at its narrowest point because there’s only 141 miles difference between the equatorial and polar circumferences, the latter being the smaller distance).

In case you’re wondering, this website is an excellent resource for calculating the straight-line distance between two points on the globe.

Display Deletion

The second big change is perhaps less logical on the surface: I’ve mothballed the 16-year-old 24″ Dell monitor that I’ve used in conjunction with my 27″ iMac, and I’m working now with just one display.

This is the first time in more than two decades that I haven’t had a dual display, but I’m finding that 27″ of screen is plenty for my purposes. To be honest, the limitations of my workspace required the second monitor to be positioned off to the side, and I found it increasingly uncomfortable to view it (not to mention the new setup works better with the progressive lenses in my glasses; yay for getting old).

I’m thinking about re-homing the Dell monitor, although its common knowledge that I’m not averse to shooting old tech.

Closing Shots

Speaking of weight loss (you do remember four minutes ago, right?), I ran across the following quote in the New York Times (I think; I’ve slept since then):

That’s a decent analogy, although I think that comparing the loss to two Magic Chef Portable Countertop Ice Makers would have been more dramatic, and, possibly, more accurate, without veering uncomfortably close to body-shaming the sensitive male population of basset hounds.

And speaking of hefty examples of specific mammals, it’s common knowledge that capybaras — the giants of the rodent world, second in size only to the R.O.U.S., which, however much we would like it to be true, doesn’t really exist — are as comfortable moving about in the water as they are on land. However, recent evidence has come to light that casts doubt on exactly how they’re able to move through the water. You can draw your own conclusions after viewing the following mostly-accurate graphic:

Fact-Adjacent Footnotes

[1] I know you’ll find this fascinating. The [mis]application of the word “fatness” — as used in this archaic sense; the King James Version of the Bible was published in 1611, when Keith Richards was but a child — to the modern topic of obesity is what’s known as semantic anachronism. The original meaning of fatness referred to fertility, abundance, or prosperity. At least I didn’t fall prey the classic etymological fallacy.

I need to come clean at this point lest you mistake this educational footnote as further evidence of my impressive eloquence…it’s all courtesy of ChatGPT. [Return]

[2] Alert Gazette readers with excess discretionary time will no doubt point out that Microsoft Excel wasn’t rolled out until 1985. Very true and I commend you for your skepticism regarding anything you read on these pages. I should have been more clear that I kept paper records of workouts which were later transcribed into Excel, thus proving that you guys weren’t the only ones with excess discretionary time. [Return]

[3] Yes, we recently streamed this old episode of Seinfeld. [Return]

[4] These numbers do not include occasionally massive cycling mileage accumulated via exercise bikes and wind trainers, or running mileage on a treadmill. You could add several thousand miles to both categories, but just thinking about it makes me break out in a sweat. [Return]

OK…this is the ACTUAL Closing Shot…