Another day…another skunk. This time, with 100% more me.

I woke up around 4:00 a.m. a few days ago (hold your snark; you’ll be old someday, too), and detected the unmistakable odor of skunk. I found this a bit unsettling, but not enough to get out of bed to investigate. I rolled over and went back to sleep. A few hours later, I opened… Continue reading Another day…another skunk. This time, with 100% more me.

Pepé Le Pew Deja Vu

Alert Gazette readers – and, really, aren’t you all? – will recall that I successfully, if foolishly, released a trapped skunk a couple of days ago without incident other than an elevated heart rate. I decided to give the trap a night off, but re-baited and re-armed it last night. I figured that a trapped skunk… Continue reading Pepé Le Pew Deja Vu

Skunk Works, or — “Do you smell what I smell?”

Alert Gazette readers know that I began documenting my critter trapping adventures last summer. Since then, I’ve caught armadillos, raccoons, possums, and one pretty stupid cat. The captive count has ballooned. In fact, I had to expand the Critter Capture Scorecard to accommodate all the new “guests.” Here’s the latest version: Uh…notice anything different about… Continue reading Skunk Works, or — “Do you smell what I smell?”

Paging Dr. Dolittle (or “Is someone building an ark?”)

I’m not a parent so I can only guess at the accuracy of what I’m about to say. I suspect that at some point in every child’s life, they realize that most of those dire parental threats (“If you don’t behave, Santa isn’t coming.” “Your face is going to freeze like that!”) are idle, and… Continue reading Paging Dr. Dolittle (or “Is someone building an ark?”)

Scoreboard: Raccoons – 2, Me – 2

Alert Gazette readers will recall that I was feeling pretty triumphant after the capture of not one, but two marauding raccoons who had been brutalizing our lawn. I’ll admit that I was sure the human race could be proud of the way I was representing it in the mammalian biped-vs-quadruped battle. Alas, pride goeth before… Continue reading Scoreboard: Raccoons – 2, Me – 2

Guardian of the Galaxy? Nope, just a Destroyer of the Lawn.

Raccoons are enjoying new celebrity, thanks to Rocket Raccoon and the Guardians of the Galaxy movies. Rocket even has his own Wikipedia page (and there you’ll learn that he’s actually more than forty years old). But raccoons are really better in theory (and movies) than in reality. Many of you already know this. We thought… Continue reading Guardian of the Galaxy? Nope, just a Destroyer of the Lawn.