Kerry’s Nuisance Advisory System

In the “gotta laugh to keep from crying” vein, I’m having fun with John Kerry’s interview published in last Sunday’s New York Times Magazine.

In an amazingly naive statement, Kerry thinks we can go back to a time when terrorism was simply “a nuisance.” Here’s the complete quote (in context, btw, for you Dem spinmeisters who seem to be protesting just a tad too shrilly for credibility):

When I asked Kerry what it would take for Americans to feel safe again, he displayed a much less apocalyptic worldview. ”We have to get back to the place we were, where terrorists are not the focus of our lives, but they’re a nuisance,” Kerry said. ”As a former law-enforcement person, I know we’re never going to end prostitution. We’re never going to end illegal gambling. But we’re going to reduce it, organized crime, to a level where it isn’t on the rise. It isn’t threatening people’s lives every day, and fundamentally, it’s something that you continue to fight, but it’s not threatening the fabric of your life.”

Without getting into a discussion about how to break it to past (and future) victims of terrorism that they’ve really just been terribly bothered, I offer my vision of the new “Nuisance Level Alert System” under the Kerry administration:

[If you want to use this image on your own site, you have my blessing…but please upload it to your server rather than just linking to the image on mine. It’s the polite thing to do. Muchas gracias.]

Kerryland Nuisance Advisory System

Update: Immense thanks to the scintillating Dawn Eden for pointing out the embarrassing misspelled word in the preceding graphic; it’s wonderful to have an ace copy editor for a friend. “What misspelling?” you ask. Never you mind.

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57 comments

  6. Priceless!

    From Eric at the Fire Ant Gazette, it’s the Kerry Nuisance Advisory System: [Insert sound of malicious sniggering here.] The shear jaw-dropping stupidity of Kerry’s terrorists-as-nuisance comment aside, I am interested to see what kind of political fal…

  11. Colors of the day

    Anticipating the possibility that the Democrats might retake the White House, Eric Siegmund presents the revised (since Tom Ridge will be gone) Kerryland Nuisance Advisory System. It’s, like, so nuanced….

  21. Wow! I’m going to try for Rakishly Nonchalant myself today. I wonder if the dolts at the grocery store will notice how very Kerry I am! Of course if there is a long line at the deli, I may become Guardedly Peevish!

  26. Well, Bikermommy, I actually meant to use “wand.” It’s a reference to the portable metal detectors used at airports, courthouses, etc.
    As for being famous, I hear that’s not all it’s cracked up to be. I’ll settle for a few extra visits to this humble blog! 😉

  29. Roxy, if you have children, then you also have a built-in method of reprisal…especially at the grocery store. Think about it.
    Either that, or find a billionaire heiress to do your bidding.

  37. Sense of humor on this? It’s just that George Bush has created a huge mess…and that isn’t very funny.
    Phrases like, “squandered the good will of the people of the world”, and “invaded the wrong country” come to mind.

  38. As the resident of London which suffered “nuisance terrorism” for decades at the hands of the (partially US funded, funny how things change, eh?) IRA, this doesn’t seem like a risible statement at all. In London, the IRA used to occasionally bomb pubs, tube stations, etc. but most people went about their daily lives giving it little thought. Which is, err exactly what Kerry is saying. But shoot, the US has nothing to learn from the rest of the world, right?

  39. Keith, if the lesson is learning to be fatalistically complacent while allowing murdering thugs to go about their daily business, then, no…we’re not interested.
    And I don’t believe most Brits are either.

  41. Return to Nuisancy

    Kerry’s ridiculous statement the other day that he wanted things to return to a time when terrorists weren’t at the forefront of our minds, but were simply nuisances, seems primed to provide much snarkiness at the hands of the web….

  42. Eric, that sounds like a soundbite straight from GW himself, although he might struggle with the “complacency” part. To me Kerry’s words seem like a perfectly commonsense statement, as opposed to the “end of days” rhetoric favoured by America’s current dear leader. Any (mis)interpretation you make this statement is entirely your own.
    Also, you talk about “most Brits”: be careful not to confuse Blair’s views with those of the electorate. He’s way out on a limb on this one.

  44. The Kerry Terror Alert System

    There’s a new terror alert color code system reflecting John Kerry’s description of pre-9/11 terrorism as a “nuisance,” thanks to the The Fire Ant Gazette. We’re currently at “Mildly Annoying.” Click image to enlarge….

  45. The Kerry Terror Alert System

    There’s a new terror alert color code system reflecting John Kerry’s description of pre-9/11 terrorism as a “nuisance,” thanks to the The Fire Ant Gazette. We’re currently at “Mildly Annoying.” Click the image at left to enlarge it. As election…

  50. I can’t believe that my Republican friends would be so simple-minded to believe the spin that’s put on this.
    I don’t see how Bush supporters can see the world in a black/white view with no gray area. That frightens me.
    I’m not going to say what Kerry was trying to say, because I can’t read the man’s mind, but here’s how I interpreted it. We can’t “win” a war on terrorism, just like we can’t “win” a war on drugs. We can’t “win” a war on prostitution. There’s no endgame for any of those. As soon as you get rid of all the hookers or drug dealers, another one will pop up. As soon as you get rid of all the terrorists, another one will pop up. How do you win the war on terror? What’s the goal? What’s the victory condition?
    Even the president said we can’t “win” the war on terror (well, he did before he flip-flopped the very next day and said we were winning and would win the war on terror). But I think Kerry was implying that he wants to get terrorism down to a level where it doesn’t require our entire military force, where our police can do other things than just look for “suspicious behavior”. Where we can actually feel reasonably safe again.
    Who’s to say that some mafia guy won’t come demand protection money from you tomorrow? But it probably won’t happen, because we’ve got organized crime reasonably under control in this country.
    I say what has this president done to make us safer besides Afghanistan (didn’t finish the job there) and taking out some two-bit bully?

  51. Greg, just to show you that I’m not really Satan, I’m going to agree with you on one point. I agree that we’re hammering Kerry about a statement that he probably really didn’t mean in the way we’re parodying him. That’s the problem with soundbites, even (especially?) when they’re in print. I don’t believe that Kerry really puts terrorism in any form into the category of nuisance, like a pesky mosquito.
    At the same time, that doesn’t give him a free pass in terms of political satire. He said the words, and he has to live with them. Such is the unfairness of the game we play, and the rules apply to all. And that’s why this post isn’t in the category of “Deathly Serious Observations Requiring Special Gravitas Just To Read, Let Alone Comment On.”
    However, that’s about all I agree with you on, as far as your other comments are concerned. But there really are better forums for political dialog than this blog and this post. Trust me on this.

  52. Howdy,I just stumbled into this lovely patch of Tejas and can’t help but comment. Being a political creature and an obsessive news reader, I find the left’s inability to accept reality hilarious. Having served in U.S. Army for several years, in Combat Arms not as a clerk or beancounter, I understand the complexities of insurgency/counterinsurg. operations. A fact that those on the left and right outside of the military do not. As for Sen. Kerry, I have known since ’85 that this man had no intent to protect and serve our country. Having been raised in the “evil military” culture, I have been aware of Lt. Kerry’s multiple acts of treason against this country since the age of 10, when I saw my Aunt Helen crying over the coffin of a husband she had not seen since 1965. His remains were returned after his death in Hanoi. His crime was refusal to sign a confession, this after Lt.Kerry made his famous “war crimes” confession in front of the Senate. So DON’T tell me how he will defend America from anything,anybody, or any threat other than our own freedom. Love the site, Bro. Keep it going on and spread the good word!!!!!

  54. PLEASE POST THE ENTIRE QUOTE NOT JUST THE MAGAZINE ARTICLE!
    Any objective person would know Kerry said we will continue to fight terrorism until it is no longer a serious threat to our society. However, the so called “liberal” media (run by Corporate America) tows the Bush line and perpetuates the lie. What is digusting is that Bush approved this lie in his Advertising.
    In other words, as Bush said during the Convention “we can’t win a war on terror”. He was right but then he later flip flopped and said we can win. But in the same context as a “war on drugs” there will always be terrorism, as Kerry suggests, all we can do is make our world safer. But terrorism will never completely go away just as murder, rape, abuse, drugs, theft, prostitution will never go away.
    Why don’t we all give fact checking and intellectualism a try over the simple mindedness, distortion and lies of Bush, Rove and Cheney.

  55. PLEASE POST THE ENTIRE QUOTE NOT JUST THE MAGAZINE ARTICLE!
    What does this look like, a news clipping service? Go get your own quote. You’re just lucky I’ve even linked back to the New York Times…I prefer not to sully the pristine pages of this blog in that way.
    …so called “liberal” media…
    Careful, pard; it’s a windy day in west Texas and I think there’s a tinfoil hat blowing around here with your name on it.
    Why don’t we all give fact checking and intellectualism a try over the simple mindedness, distortion and lies…
    Be careful what you wish for…

  57. Shifting the Goalposts on 9/11

    Call me crazy, but if you’re trying to convince people that you’re strong, moaning and wailing and running to the teacher like a 7-year old in the schoolyard might not be the best strategy. As is usually the case when…

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