The Ultimate Oneupmanship

We had our traditional weekly fajita dinner with friends last night, and I was looking forward to the prospect of sharing my acquisition of a new gizmo, something I was sure would induce envy on their part.

Most of our home lighting is in the form of inset flood lights. None of them are accessible except via ladder, and the bulb in the front porch ceiling is fourteen feet above the concrete. I don’t have a ladder tall enough to reach it (at least, not without violating several OSHA regulations). So I finally broke down and bought a pole-mounted light bulb changer, complete with multiple heads for dealing with all types of bulbs. I was sure that this was cool enough to be the hit of our conversation.

So, we met our friends and I feigned interest in their day, just killing time until I could spring my surprise. “So, how was your Wednesday?” I asked.

“Well, pretty good, other than the airplane crash.”

I don’t know about you, but I can think of very few things in the “what’s going on in my life” category that will trump a plane crash. Sure, a pole-mounted light bulb changer is pretty darned special, but even that pales in comparison to landing a Cessna Cardinal without nose gear.

Which is exactly what happened. Fortunately, no one was injured, and although the plane was extensively damaged, it’s reparable and insured.

But I’m definitely going to have to ratchet up the excitement factor in my life if I’m going to compete with things like that. Does anyone know where I can get a crocodile, a cattle prod, and a bottle of hydrogen?