[Insert pithy yet winsome introductory text here. Please.]
- Every now and then, something happens that restores my faith in humanity and I think that perhaps there really is some hope for mankind. Then I read Facebook comments and come to my senses.
- Forget Ebola. What I want is a concentrated scientific and medical research effort to find a cure for that strange malady that results in the loss of use of a person’s left index finger the moment they get behind the wheel of a car in Midland, Texas. You know, the finger that activates the turn signal.
- Similarly, what is it about grocery store parking lots that cause otherwise sane people to acquire the emotional state of a rabid menopausal bobcat with hemorrhoids? Last night, a “lady” almost rammed me trying to get to a parking space before me (and I wasn’t even trying to park). Fortunately, I was able to nudge her walker out of the way with my truck bumper and get on with my business.
- In keeping with the mindset that anyone who drives slower than me is an idiot and anyone who drives faster is a jerk, I believe that women drivers don’t use turn signals because they’re too preoccupied with cell phones, and men don’t use them because they think that communicating their intentions is a sign of weakness.
- If the Cold War turns hot and we have to start building bomb shelters again, I’m making mine out of the cardboard that Chobani uses in their four-packs. I’m pretty sure that stuff could withstand anything the Russkies could throw at it.
- I’m so Midland, I think the name of my city is an adjective. (Seriously, folks…stop it. Just stop it.)