A TV ad now running for a local western wear store includes the following line:
Never give your kid a name that’s too long to remember or too long to fit on the back of a hand-tooled leather belt.
Now, while I readily acknowledge that the latter consideration is legitimate, I humbly submit that if remembering your child’s name, regardless of its length, is a problem for you, then you really should reassess your qualifications for being a parent and turn to something less challenging, like raising turtles.
Doesn’t the second, more legitimate, consideration render the first moot? You can always check the back of the belt if you’re stumped. That’s what I do, at least.
That presumes an ability to read, of course. 😉
I demand an exemption to this rule for parents (i.e. myself) of three or more children.
..and also my mother who to this day still rattles off three names (dad, bro then me) when refering to her oldest son.
Shannon, my siblings and I get EXACTLY the same thing from my mom!
I think name-forgetfulness is a survival trait that evolved in our species over millions of years … by the time you remember the correct name of the child you wish to sell to the gypsies at the moment (for whatever infraction), the moment has passed, and you feel much better …
Well, you did say it was a local western wear store.
Up here in Yankee land, the only people I’ve ever seen wearing hand-tooled leather belts with their names on it are “butch” women. Very popular among that subculture for some reason. Aside from them, hand-tooled leather belts seem to be a biker fashion. Bikers usually don’t get their names tooled. They prefer slogans and brief philosophical phrases reflecting their outlook on life. “FTW” being the only one you’d tolerate being printed.
That western wear store’s advice contradicts the Southern/ Western practice of multiple names like “Billy Ray” Cyrus or “Billy Joe Jim Bob” who maintains the Western Links Page.
What that western wear store should have said is, “never give your kid a name they wouldn’t be proud to wear on a hand-tooled leather belt.”
Some of the weird names kids get stuck with today would probably draw laughs if they ever showed up at a rodeo or hoedown sporting it on a leather belt. I’m going to hope that odd-ball names are largely a Yankee phenomenon, though.
I’m going to hope that odd-ball names are largely a Yankee phenomenon, though.
Oh, not even close. I could read you the roster from any 3rd grade class in Midland and with your eyes closed you wouldn’t be able to tell me if it was from Texas or Massachusetts. OK, so maybe we’ll have a few more “Garths” and you’ll have few more “Trevors*,” but both will have more six syllable tributes to rappers and other short-lived cultural phenomena than you can shake a stick at.
But this isn’t really something new, is it? I mean, just ask our Secretary of State. 😉
*A pre-teen boy at an adjacent table in one of the restaurants we ate in last weekend was named Trevor. Poor kid. However, he spent most of his time outside chasing chickens, so there’s hope for him.
Not that there’s anything wrong with the name “Trevor.”
😉
My Dad went one worse… My brother went up to him in a crowded mall (we were out shopping with him) and said “Hi Dad”. Dad turned around and said “who are you?” LOL. They were even wearing the same shirt on that day! My Dad then clicked. It’s was a source of amusement for years!
Maybe your dad was being philosophical, as in “who are you…really…in an existential way? Who are any of us, really? How can we know ourselves?”
Or, maybe he just hates crowds. 😉
One minor footnote to this conversation…
Just because the name will fit on a hand-tooled leather belt, doesn’t mean it will fit on the nametag that is issued the first day of employment at the local Wal-Mart! This must be taken into consideration for the child’s future in the world of retail!
Chris, you’re opening a whole other can of worms now.
I suspect that the retail aspirations of the hand-tooled belt set are more likely geared toward the Tractor Supply Company than Wal-Mart. OTOH, I also see a lot of multi-millionaires walking around Midland wearing those belts, so I wouldn’t read too much into it one way or another.
Ahhh…Midland. After spending 5 years there myself, I learned that it’s not necessarily the back of the belt that tells you a lot about a person…it’s the size of the buckle! Most of the multi-millionaires keep to the smaller, understated version while those that want to be noticed wear belt buckles that would make any professional wrestler jealous!
‘Course, a few of those big buckles were earned the hard way, via the backs of bulls or broncs, and the guys wearing them are, by and large, salt of the earth and humble…and very tough. Very.
Believe me, some of those big buckle guys are my very best friends to this day. I just like to pick on them a little!