Lindsay’s Slippery Slope

I’m sure that you’ve heard that Lindsay Lohan is suing E-Trade and its advertising firm for using the name “Lindsay” in one of their wildly popular TV commercials. The “actress” wants $100 million for “pain and suffering” because – her lawyer claims – she’s a “one-name celeb like Oprah or Madonna” and the TV ad sends a subliminal message that reflects badly on her image.

Excuse me? First, I feel compelled to remind Lindsay that she’s made a series of choices in her life that have relegated her to the B-list (at best) of impaired and out-of-control wannabes. Having a talking baby make fun of her (even subliminally) would actually be a step up for her.

Setting aside the fact that in 1986 (the year of her birth, in case she can’t remember) the name “Lindsay” was the 46th most popular girl’s name in the USA (and the variant “Lindsey” ranked even higher, at 39), I think she should give careful consideration to the implications of claiming an exclusive association with certain descriptors. If her lawsuit is successful and thus requires that every time we hear “Lindsay” (or, if we have a discriminating ear, “Lindsey”) we think of her, then it will have to logically follow that we’ll also bring her to mind whenever we hear “pathetic,” “narcissistic,” and “delusional.”

Then again, perhaps that horse has already bolted the stable.

Update: This just in – Oprah and Madonna are suing Lindsay and her lawyers for associating their names with hers.