One of these things is not like the other, but I forget which

Oh, hello. I didn’t notice you standing there, in the shadows. You’re quite patient, considering how long it’s been since I’ve come around. Perhaps you should take up a hobby.

Anyway, as long as you’re here, please allow me to share a cautionary tale. It’s a simple story about what happens when you reach a certain age and find that your own cleverness begins to backfire on you. Here’s an example:

Photo - hitch lock cut in two
Exhibit A…or is it B? I forget.

In case you don’t recognize it, this is a trailer hitch lock, used to secure a ball mount in a receiver. This particular model has a keyed lock on one end, and therein lies the problem.

As you can tell, the lock has been violated in a most destructive way. In other words, it’s been sawn in two. And I did it my own self, as a solution to a vexing problem.

That problem arose not when I put the lock through the mount of our hitch-mounted luggage rack to dissuade thieves while the rack was being stored outside the garage, nor when I put the key away for safekeeping until I needed the rack.

No, the problem arose when I wanted to use the rack last weekend…and couldn’t remember where I put the key.

I have approximately 800 loose keys stored in various drawers, cabinets, cubbyholes, nooks, niches, crannies, recesses, and alcoves, and I tried every one of them – twice – and never found the right one. I gave up on the luggage carrier; fortunately, we didn’t really need it after all.

But when we returned, I decided that I’d spent enough time looking for a solution, and not enough time creating one. Out came the angle grinder (did you know Target sells them?) equipped with a silicon carbide wheel, on went the gloves, safety glasses, and hearing protector…and the sparks flew. In a few minutes, one problem was solved.

The bigger problem remains, the one without an elegant solution. It’s the problem of how to deal with the accumulation of years that results in the inability to remember simple things like where did I put that [fill in the blank]?

Every person will eventually have to deal with that issue in whatever way seems most appropriate for them. For me, I plan to apply a healthy dose of denial (I’m pretty sure someone stole the “hidden” key, and it’s not my fault). In addition, I might just buy a 2015 Dodge Challenger SRT Hellcat, and let the dulcet tones of its 707 horsepower and 650 lb-ft of torque make the journey into forgetfulness much more adventuresome.

Heck, I may even put a trailer hitch on it.


  1. For similar reasons, we just recently went on a household key purge.
    As much as I am to blame for my share of the problem, Lordy I do hate the mass accumulation of random giblets that comes with age and home ownership. And as I laughingly recall how many pairs of scissors we found when cleaning out my late Mom’s house, I’m also mindful that I have at least 1 pair of scissors of various sizes and functions in nearly every room of the house…

  2. Hey! Have you been reading my mind again?
    We’ve been going through that same thing with my father-in-law’s house (thankfully, he’s still with us, but has moved into a retirement community), and that experience greatly colored my thinking about this post (and will, time willing, provide material for a follow-up).
    I’ll probably never again buy a memento while on vacation.

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