A Fire Ant Gazette mask? Why not? 2020 is a disaster anyway.

As you can see below, in an obvious act of shameless self-promotion, I have commissioned a limited edition run of Fire Ant Gazette masks guaranteed* to absolutely prevent the transmission of COVID-19 cooties.

I’m told that the more of my face that’s covered, the better for everyone. COVID or no.

OK, so when I say limited edition, I really mean I could only afford two of them, one for me and one for my wife who wasn’t given the opportunity to say no. However, you too can have your own personalized mask via the good folks over at CafePress. It doesn’t have to be the awesome Fire Ant logo, either (maybe I’m not so shameless after all). Just jump over to this page, upload your graphic (JPG format recommended), pay your money ($18.87 per mask at the time of publication), and wait with unpersonalized-mask breath for a couple of weeks.

The masks are good quality, double-layered, and will accommodate carbon filters, two of which are included.

If for some ill-advised reason you absolutely have to have a Fire Ant mask, let me know and I’ll recommend a good therapist provide you with a freshly minted graphic, piping hot off the Mac and ready for upload. I’m sad to have to report that I get absolutely nothing from any such purchase, although the upside is that I won’t get thrown into a higher tax bracket.

*Not guaranteed. At all. This is the last time we let the interns in our marketing department loose without supervision.