SoaP: “Time is Tissue”

You can often judge the movie you’re about to see by the trailers selected to precede it. Tonight’s showing of Snakes on a Plane was preceded by the following:

So, it’s not like we weren’t warned.

SoaP is so bad, it’s often quite good. All the performers deserve awards for delivering their lines with straight faces, but it really only works if you know that they know that you know that they know what’s going on. After all, this was a movie that was sent back to the editing room to add some gratuitous sex and violence in order to get an R rating and to keep the buzz in the blogosphere alive. The editing worked; judging by the twelve people in the theater tonight, the buzz didn’t, at least not in Midland.

In the midst of the gore — who knew snakes could be so inappropriately assertive? — are some really funny moments…well, seconds, anyway. Saturday Night Live’s Kenan Thompson steals several scenes as a distinctly non-menancing bodyguard for a rapper, and Samuel L. Jackson has his usual quota of deadpan one-liners.

The snakes are uniformly creepy, malevolent, ubiquitous, and persistent — sort of like Howard Dean, only with more grace. The animatronic and animated versions blended impressively with the real ones, but those who are weirded out by snakes of any persuasion should really stay away from this film.

I think this brief exchange between MLB (who, by the way, suggested that we see the movie this evening, just so you know) and me sums up SoaP. As we were walking to the car after the film, she said “I’m embarrassed to tell anyone we saw that.” I tried to reassure her. “Don’t worry; nobody we know will see it, so they won’t be able to make an assessment of what we did.” In any event, I can claim I was doing research for this review; I don’t know what excuse she’ll be able to concoct.

To be truthful, once it’s cleaned up for network TV, it won’t be too bad as a campy horror/disaster genre flick. But if Beerfest represents the pinnacle of movie achievement in your book, by all means, go see it on the big screen.

Oh, and for the record, let it be understood that I’ve just coined the term “vipercam.” Well, second only to the folks who hold the patent on the dental intraoral device of the same name. (What were they thinking?)

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11 comments

  1. Eric: Thanks for the review, you straightened things out. Until your post on the movie I had been under the mistaken impression that Snakes on the Plane was supposed to be a farce. It never ocurred to me that would people would make a movie like that and expect it to be taken seriously.

  2. can’t say i was really interested in SoaP, even for an enlightening review. however, i couldn’t help but laugh when i saw the preview for borat. for some reason i was laughing so hard at the preview. i have “the ali g” show on hbo though – on which “borat” reports – and although the preview might be funny, i’m sure the movie is bound to be filthy.

  3. John, have you seen “Lake Placid”? SoaP is vaguely reminiscent of that movie, only not as subtle. The movie is definitely schizophrenic…not consistently funny enough to be a real farce (in the classical sense) but too silly to be a true horror/thriller.
    Kyle, I’m pretty sure Borat will succeed in offending every ethnic and cultural sub-group on the planet, even while being hilarious. But you kinda get tired of the “fish out of water so he can be forgiven for breaking cultural taboos” genre. “Beerfest” is of the same ilk, when you get right down to it. And neither really deserves this kind of intellectual scrutiny. 😉
    Gwynne, how did you really feel about the movie? ;-0
    Beth, I dunno…how amusing was my review?
    I had you in mind when I wrote some of it, you know.

  4. hey eric! thanks for the link to my page. i surely hope i don’t dissapoint….
    actually, i think it’s already too late for that.
    i hope i don’t dissapoint even more.
    (as soon as i get around to actually making a link page, your’s’ll be on there. how do you like that contraction?)

  5. Good review. I figured this movie was along the lines of a semi-comic B-grade suspense/horror flick. I lived in Australia for a while (I’m in New Zealand) and saw real snakes there. Basically they leave you alone if you leave them alone. Occasionally got their heads chopped off for being too close to kids playing though.
    Just re-found your blog after quite a long time and will be back.

  6. Wow…this is a first for me, I think: two Kiwi commenters in a row!
    Catez, thanks for the visit and the link; I’ve reciprocated. Regarding snakes, it’s kind of ironic that NZ and Australia would be such close neighbors, and that while the latter is home to the most deadly snake in the world (the inland taipan, based on venom toxicity), the former essentially has no snakes at all. I’m sure you guys are just fine with that. 😉
    Rachel, she could say that, but she would also have to admit that she’s a sucker for cheesy horror/thriller flicks, even more than me.

  7. Thanks Eric.
    Yes, the absence of poisonous snakes in NZ is amazing. Australia is a land of it’s own. I saw a dugite while I lived there – black poisonous snake. And others. I’m impressed that you know a bit about the differences!
    Also – the bit in the post on the conversation between you and your wife cracked me up.

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