I realize that picking apart the logic of any television ad is like taking candy from a fish in a barrel, but GMC’s recent “I Vow” series touting its Sierra pickup line seems to push the envelope for damning with faint praise. Here’s my cogent analysis of what the commercial says vs. what it really means. (Don’t thank me for these revelations; this is just what I do.)
What it says: “I vow to be ready to go whenever you are.”
What it means: “I have an ignition switch, battery, and starter.”
What it says: “I vow to work even after the sun goes down.”
What it means: “I have headlights.”
What it says: “And I vow to take a tank of gas as far as she’ll go.”
What it means: “I will not violate the previously-thought-to-be-immutable laws of physics regarding the conservation of energy and matter.” Actually, I have no idea what they’re saying here, because this is one of the most nonsensical statements in the history of advertising, and that’s saying something.
There’s also the puzzling issue of genderizing the tank of gas, referring to it as “she.” The social and psychological implications are overwhelming, and space doesn’t permit their analysis. Perhaps later, when the presidential campaign is completed.